ever feel like you're outside yourself, watching yourself do things?
I feel like that EVERY SECOND OF EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY that i'm not sitting right here, in this chair, typing things at my keyboard
figures!
it occured to me today that i don't see enough of people that i used to be friends with, so i've been trawling around facebook sending messages to those that i miss and making dates for lovely catch ups, though i know they'll be ordeals ten times more fun in my head than in reality, though i got a sense of duty to my friends no matter how distant. but yaknow, as the sort of person that wants things they shouldnt or can't have, i felt as though the people i wanted to see the most were the ones that don't like me no more :(
perhaps, i told myself, it's time to say "fuck 'em!", but i feel a bit as though my own children are wandering about in the woods while i'm sitting at home, dead to them! one such friend seems to be starting to have all the fun i was urging upon them one or two years ago (urging that they didn't heed/appreciate) and i feel a bit like getting a nice heavy cricket bat and giving them a good wallop while screaming HYPOCRISY HYPOCRISY HYPOCRISY at the top of my voice.
the rational bits of my brain tell me t'ain't a good plan though. maybe i was one of dem precocious boys. NAWT LIKELY!
no but seriously though wouldn't it feel good to cave in someone's head with a cricket bat? hahaha
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